REMEMBERING WHEN: The Lonely Old Man

By Keith Schell

When I was very young, my parents took me aside one evening to make a special request. An elderly gentleman in our neighbourhood, whom my parents liked and trusted, had recently lost his spouse and was grieving deeply. With no children of his own, he was completely alone, with no one to help him through his sorrow.

Feeling compassion for his loss, my parents asked me to spend a Friday evening with him—to keep him company and perhaps talk to him for a while. Although my parents knew him well, I hardly knew him at all and wasn’t enthusiastic about the visit. But this was one of those special requests that a child couldn’t really refuse, even though I had no idea what to say to someone I barely knew.

When the arranged Friday evening arrived, my dad dropped me off at the gentleman’s house and waited until I entered after knocking on the door. The gentleman was happy to see me and invited me in. He knew I liked the newspaper comics and had saved a bunch on the living room coffee table for me to read. I sat in the living room with a soft drink and read the comics, which took all of about fifteen minutes.

Then we started to talk. It was awkward at first, as neither of us knew each other well. He asked me about my interests, and I answered, but I didn’t know what to ask him in return. As a kid, I had no idea what to say to an older gentleman like him. There were many awkward silences that evening as we tried to relate to each other.

Despite the awkwardness, I think the gentleman was simply glad to have company for the evening, even if it was just a little kid who didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t think much about that evening after I went home, even when I later heard that the gentleman had passed away. As a young child, there was still much about life that I didn’t yet understand.

Decades later, while watching television, something triggered the memory of that visit. Reflecting on it now as an adult, I finally understand what my parents were trying to do. Growing up in a busy and happy home surrounded by loved ones, I never truly grasped why my parents wanted me to visit him. But now that I am much older, I understand completely.

Loneliness can be insidious, especially for an older person who has lost their spouse and faces the remainder of their life alone. After a lifetime of hard work and building a legacy with their partner, no one deserves to be alone in their golden years. My parents were trying to ease his loneliness, if only for one evening. In hindsight, I hope I helped, even just a little.

For those who find themselves alone in their later years, be sociable if you can. People need people. Get out, join activities, play cards with friends, call loved ones whenever possible, and keep the lines of communication open with family and friends.

For adults in their prime, remember the time your parents spent with you as a child—and try to reciprocate now that they are aging. You were vulnerable then, and they are vulnerable now. It’s time to return the favor. Family is everything, and the most important gift you can give your loved ones is your time.

If possible, put down your phone and visit your parents in the seniors' home regularly. Drop in on other family members whenever you can. Someday, you will be in the same situation as your elderly parents. It’s never too soon to care about the people who cared about you.

After all, the only way to fight the ongoing war on loneliness and isolation among today’s seniors is by being as sociable as possible.