Growing Through Grief: The pang of envy

By Angela Clement

There will always be someone more successful, happier, richer, brighter than you. From our own limited perspective it can appear others have got it all together. They get the opportunities and the gifts. Their lives look easy. They are always happy and often they just can’t understand why we are not. We start to compare ourselves and our own lives and this eats away at our own self-worth. We can feel like we are in the shadow of those around us. We feel unseen and unheard. Especially when we are working so hard and doing everything we can to provide for others, and those others seem to be thriving and reaping the rewards of our hard work. We can feel like we are being taken advantage of. We can become resentful. Even when others seem grateful and acknowledge you and try to help. They just can’t. This is a horrible trap to be in. It is frustrating and you may start to question if you are doing anything right. You might feel you have made big mistakes and start thinking about what needs to change. You might be exhausted trying to dig yourself out of this pit of yearning for what you don’t have and the lack of acknowledgement.

Here is the thing. There is only one you and the life you are living is yours. Nothing anyone says or does helps because the approval of others will never be enough.You ultimately are responsible for your own happiness. That’s hard to hear sometimes. When we are feeling resentful and sad, it is so hard to bring ourselves out of that state. I think we have all been there. When this happens to me, and it most certainly does, I need time alone to contemplate and create. I know this but I don’t always carry it through. For some of you, it might be hard to find that space. You might have a family that needs you or other obligations that don’t allow you to just get away and retreat. You may be like me and feel like there are so many things that need to be done first. The daily chores and things seem to take up so much of our space. Or maybe you haven’t found that special place that is just yours. Yet when I don’t make time alone a priority and I don’t designate time for myself, I find the universe will provide it for me in creative ways. Sometimes those ways are not so enjoyable. Suddenly you come down with some illness or some other type of crisis happens and you find yourself forced to take the time. I am learning that choosing to take the time in my own way is usually more fun and can really make life seem so much more in my control.

So maybe I have convinced you to take the time. What do you do with that time? Well I like to block out all noise around me. If I can’t find a place to do that, I put my headphones in and put on some music that I absolutely love. I start to focus my attention on myself and all the blessings that are mine. The thing is, when we can do this and bring ourselves back into the space of feeling special and beautiful, that is exactly the energy that changes our outside world. This is because our perspective changes. The more we can put ourselves in that space, the more our outside world changes. If we can do this enough we will start to see that the things that no longer serve us will start to fall away without any effort on our part. Watch carefully. Pay attention. Synchronicities will start to happen and you will start to see blessings everywhere you look. It takes a little diligence and persistence to make yourself prioritize you. Others may wonder why and might even be upset that you are not at their beck and call. But I promise you will see a beautiful change. From one human trying to navigate this world to another, I am sending so much love.