Growing Through Grief: How do you see grief?
By Angela Clement
Over the past few years, as I have immersed myself in understanding grief as a process, I've discovered several perspectives on it. One recurring notion I've encountered is that grief never truly goes away. This viewpoint suggests that if you deeply loved someone, you must accept the enduring sadness that accompanies such a loss. Grief is often described as love with nowhere to go, or as the price we pay for loving someone so intensely. Some believe this is simply how life is after a loss, and that it becomes the new normal. They explain that they've become accustomed to it and have learned to carry their grief as part of their existence.
In various Facebook groups I follow, I see people expressing that life never becomes easier after a loss. Even after years of pain and longing, they seek solace in others who share their experiences. For some, this pain feels like a connection to their loved one, a way to honor the relationship and remain loyal to it.
On the other hand, there are those who feel exhausted from merely going through the motions of daily life. They often remain silent, lacking the energy to voice their struggles. They don’t want to continue living in this manner; they are weary. Each day feels like a fight to survive without their loved one, and they long for a sense of joy and happiness that seems distant. They have no clear idea of how to achieve this change, but they know they cannot persist in their current state.
I understand all these perspectives. I want to assure you that wherever you find yourself in your healing process is valid. It's your journey, and you have the power to choose your path forward. I also believe that by challenging our own thoughts, we can alter how we perceive ourselves in the world. What if there is another way to view grief? If you feel a need for change, I want to reassure you that it is possible.
Early on after my loss, I recognized that I didn’t like how I was feeling. As an educator with two master's degrees, I naturally began researching the complex nature of grief. I sought to understand what I could do to help myself. The prevailing advice suggested that I would simply learn to live with my grief and it was okay not to be okay and yet I felt compelled to find another way.
I continued searching for the answers that resonated with me. With guidance from grief experts, I discovered the advice and the path forward that I had been seeking. It required significant "heart work" to reach where I am today. This transformation didn't occur by chance or because my loss was any less difficult. Losing my husband was devastating. I had to acknowledge the work necessary to grieve myloss properly, and then I had to shift my perspective on life.
Every grief journey is unique, shaped by our individual circumstances. However, we can all begin a new chapter and find fulfillment and happiness in that new space. I believe this with my whole heart.
Where are you in your healing journey? Are you quietly wondering if you could find happiness again?
You might be the one who reaches out to me. I can help you learn to show up for yourself in ways you never realized were possible, enabling you to live a life that honors both yourself and your loved one.
Of course, I miss Blaine. But I continue to live and expand that precious love by creating a life I want for my children, my grandchildren, and myself. I am free to make new memories, and I know Blaine would be proud. I believe it is possible to not just survive, but to thrive after a loss. There is a path forward, and life can be good again!
You get to choose your life and the direction you take moving forward. You determine what is true for you. Sending lots of love and big hugs to you all on this journey. I am here if you need to reach out.