Growing Through Grief: Curiosity
By Angela Clement
I lost my husband to colon cancer. We were married for 35 years. What can one say when your whole world has been turned upside down? Not a lot. There is no magic ball that can help you see the future and there is no way we can relive the past. And yet, looking back I have come to believe that even the most challenging and unthinkable circumstances can and do create opportunities to learn and grow and to create something new. It is said we are never given more than we can handle. I felt like there was no way out of the emotional pain that comes with the process of grief. When I started to wonder about how I might get my joy back, I started to live with more hope. Curiosity was a key for me even when I didn’t know for sure how I would ever be okay again.
You may have heard the saying “curiosity killed the cat”. In this light, curiosity doesn’t seem like a very good idea. I think my life up to this point has been largely lived in a cautious way, doing everything possible to make sure I don’t make a mistake and possibly do anything I would regret. It has served me well in many ways. At the same time, playing safe also meant shying away from some great opportunities to meet new people and explore new things. The proverb, “curiosity killed the cat” actually evolved from a much older proverb, "care killed the cat.” Back then, care meant worry. So really worrying is problem. There is also a less common addition to the saying that goes, "but satisfaction brought it back," which adds the idea that the ultimate knowledge gained from being curious about something can make the risk worthwhile. Curiosity really is the place of potential.
Losing my husband was unthinkable. It was one of the worst things I could ever imagine. After something like that, you start to look at life a little bit differently. I wouldn’t go so far as to say one is going to live a reckless life because of it, but you start to think that if you made it through the worst thing imaginable, a lot of things don’t seem to be so scary anymore. You realize what others think doesn’t matter. You need to take the trip, connect with others and do the things you dream about now. You can spend your time worrying, fretting or lamenting about life or you can live it. Fear is not something that needs to stop you. In fact, fear is holding you back from finding exactly what you are looking for.
If we are longing to go back to the past, we know those thoughts lead to depression because even though we might want to go back, we simply cannot. We have no way of knowing for sure what the future holds and thinking that way leads to anxiety. So what can we do to help ourselves? Live in the present moment. It is the only thing that truly matters. We get to decide what we do and our thoughts about life right now. We get to choose moment by moment. When we figure out how to stay focused on what matters most, it simplifies things. We don’t have to be afraid. We can take a breath and just wonder, much like when we were kids. Instead of the usual fearful thinking about what could go wrong, what if we start to ask ourselves, what could go right? We get to move forward into the future along with the love and every wonderful memory from the past.
Our thoughts are in our control. Changing our perspective takes practice and a willingness but the rewards are worth it. Live a life of joy. Believe it can be done. As always, I am here for you. You can find me at www.healingenergy.world.