Fans of old black and white B movies will not mistake the title of this column for a typo caused by a cat tiptoeing over my keyboard.

Homer Simpson once said, “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

Fans of Major League Baseball have a plethora of young talent to drool over this year, with Shohei Ohtani, Vladimir Guerrero, Jr., Ronald Acuna, Jr., Jesse Winker and Fernando Tatis, Jr., all having spectacular years.

The handyman told his friend, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” When government attempts to unite our country by enforcing regulations, opposing voices will become louder. So how can we begin to unite our country?

My mother was born here in 1930. But I didn’t come here until after she died. Last night, my neighbour Patsy was driving down Railway Ave. East (not to be confused with Railway Ave. West) as I was walking home from watering Maurice’s petunias.

Alberta is open! It is encouraging to see our province move forward and to finally start putting COVID behind us.

Moving vans have been busy this late spring and early summer as hundreds of hockey fans take up residence on Cloud 9.

Someone said they bought their favourite heavy metal album, but it was the censored edition. It ended up being the best instrumental CD they had heard in a long time.

Leger released a new poll asking whether or not we should “cancel Canada Day.” Most of the news media pathetically but predictably took the poll and ran with it, inciting righteous patriotic indignation and shifting focus away from what generated the poll in the first place.

Looking for answers? Here are 20 questions:

My joke for this week ... Question: How do you get a Canadian to apologize? Answer: You step on their foot.

Pop89 feels like a good title for a column by an ex-urbanite whose month-long retreat to a convent-turned-B&B situated on the edge of Grasslands National Park turned into an eight-year immersion into the sort of exquisite darkness and silence that both illuminates the soul and challenges ego on a daily basis.

I recently posted a few photos of our kids and their horses roping, loping, and grinning. I included a caption about how horses bring another welcome set of eyes and another brain into a situation to help riders tackle whatever job they might be working on.

There are hundreds of parades taking place throughout Saskatchewan and Alberta ... graduation parades, accompanied by abbreviated outdoor ceremonies.

It’s 2021 but the 2020 Summer Olympic Games, scheduled for July of last year in Tokyo, Japan but postponed due to COVID-19, are but one month away.

While we were conducting business in Earl’s office recently, prominently displayed on his desk was a picture of him and his wife in a creative, unconventional pose. Only with a second closer look could be seen a little mite of humanity - their week-old daughter.

Phil Mickelson made history last month at Kiawah Island, winning the PGA at age 50. Can he make history two months in a row?

A kid said to her dad, “Happy Father’s Day! I got you a present, but if you want to get technical, then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?”

‘Great Expectations’ has already been taken as a book title, but perhaps the Edmonton Oilers can use it as a subtitle to their reflections on an abbreviated 2020-21 National Hockey League season.

Russell Peters is a Canadian stand-up comedian who is on the list of the world’s highest paid comedians, which means people think he’s funny.